I went to a small Catholic college in Pennsylvania. One year, Mike,
a friend from high school, came down Halloween weekend for a visit,
and we'd figured we'd hit a local party (in costume). I believe I
went with the same boring old costume I went with every year cause
I had no cash to get a better one (I was a Ninja).
Mike decided to put some ingenuity into his costume. He brought a robe
thingie I believe, and a 2x4 with some rope. He decided to go out as
Jesus Christ on the Cross!!!
Now imagine THAT at a Catholic College!!!
Ooooooh NOT good...
Mike was somewhat paralyzed because his wrists were tied to the 2x4
resting on his shoulders. To drink his beer he had to slide the 2x4
all the way to the left in order to get his right hand close enough to his mouth so he could reach the cup.
Anyway, he's standing against a wall at this major party we were at,
doing as Jesus would have - just hanging around (doh!). All of a sudden
this girl storms up to him with the most pissed off fucking look you'll
EVER see, and started giving him shit - yelling at the top of her lungs
for a good 5-10 minutes!!! Meanwhile Mike and I thought this was just
entirely too funny and began laughing and snickering hysterically. That
pissed her off even MORE!!! Which of course brought our enthusiasm
level up a notch. You see the pattern here, don't you?
I believe at one point (I was drunk and laughing, so I don't quite
remember all the details) she smacked him across the face and stormed
off! And knowing ME, I think I responded with some wiseass remark like, "Now is
THAT any way to treat your savior?"
I wore a crown of dried vine
and the 2x4 was inscribed with "I'm Nailed Right
In"... I went to the party with a friend, Andy, who was
about 6'2" tall, long blonde hair, dressed in drag.
When we first got there, we were "hanging out" with
Bryan (the ninja) and his roommate, who was dressed as a very
convincing Grim Reaper.
So Jesus and Death were hanging
out drinking beers at this college dorm party in Pennsylvania...
At one point we needed
cigarettes, so my friend-in-drag and I walked down the block,
bought some Camels (what else would Jesus smoke?) and on the
way back, encountered a man dressed as a priest. Hmm..
dilemma. This is a Catholic college, after all. All of a
sudden the priest rushes at me, embraces me, and yells,
"I always knew you'd come again!!" To this day
I still don't know if it was a real priest or someone in
The girl that was giving me
shit kept harassing me, following me from room to room as I
kept trying to turn the proverbial other cheek. I don't
remember getting smacked, but she did start pushing me and
pushing me until out of nowhere Andy, in drag and playing the
loyal Magdalene, pushed her, halfway across the room and onto
the couch. I wish I could remember his witty comment to her.
As we were leaving at the end
of the party, Andy was blasting Judas Priest in the car and I
poked out of the sun roof and yelled, "The Jesus East
Coast Tour, 1989!! Thank you all and good night!!"