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"Nailed" for Halloween



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I went to a small Catholic college in Pennsylvania. One year, Mike, a friend from high school, came down Halloween weekend for a visit, and we'd figured we'd hit a local party (in costume). I believe I went with the same boring old costume I went with every year cause I had no cash to get a better one (I was a Ninja).

[Evil-looking Spinning Cross]Mike decided to put some ingenuity into his costume. He brought a robe thingie I believe, and a 2x4 with some rope. He decided to go out as Jesus Christ on the Cross!!! 

Now imagine THAT at a Catholic College!!!  Ooooooh NOT good...

Mike was somewhat paralyzed because his wrists were tied to the 2x4 resting on his shoulders. To drink his beer he had to slide the 2x4 all the way to the left in order to get his right hand close enough to his mouth so he could reach the cup.

Anyway, he's standing against a wall at this major party we were at, doing as Jesus would have - just hanging around (doh!). All of a sudden this girl storms up to him with the most pissed off fucking look you'll EVER see, and started giving him shit - yelling at the top of her lungs for a good 5-10 minutes!!!  Meanwhile Mike and I thought this was just entirely too funny and began laughing and snickering hysterically. That pissed her off even MORE!!! Which of course brought our enthusiasm level up a notch. You see the pattern here, don't you?

I believe at one point (I was drunk and laughing, so I don't quite remember all the details) she smacked him across the face and stormed off!  And knowing ME, I think I responded with some wiseass remark like, "Now is THAT any way to treat your savior?"


"Jesus" responds:

I wore a crown of dried vine and the 2x4 was inscribed with "I'm Nailed Right In"... I went to the party with a friend, Andy, who was about 6'2" tall, long blonde hair, dressed in drag.  When we first got there, we were "hanging out" with Bryan (the ninja) and his roommate, who was dressed as a very convincing Grim Reaper.

So Jesus and Death were hanging out drinking beers at this college dorm party in Pennsylvania...

At one point we needed cigarettes, so my friend-in-drag and I walked down the block, bought some Camels (what else would Jesus smoke?) and on the way back, encountered a man dressed as a priest. Hmm.. dilemma. This is a Catholic college, after all. All of a sudden the priest rushes at me, embraces me, and yells, "I always knew you'd come again!!"  To this day I still don't know if it was a real priest or someone in costume.

The girl that was giving me shit kept harassing me, following me from room to room as I kept trying to turn the proverbial other cheek. I don't remember getting smacked, but she did start pushing me and pushing me until out of nowhere Andy, in drag and playing the loyal Magdalene, pushed her, halfway across the room and onto the couch. I wish I could remember his witty comment to her.

As we were leaving at the end of the party, Andy was blasting Judas Priest in the car and I poked out of the sun roof and yelled, "The Jesus East Coast Tour, 1989!!  Thank you all and good night!!"

 
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