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Four of us were living in an
apartment on the third floor of our building about ten years ago
in Orlando. Three of the four of us worked at one of the major
theme parks there; they gave every employee a free turkey for
Thanksgiving. We had no idea what to do with them, so they sat
in the freezer until we moved, about a year and a half later.
We're cleaning everything out
when someone comes across the frozen carcasses and asks what we
should do with them. We were just about finished moving out and
ready to leave for the last time when one of us (can't remember
who) came up with the idea of seeing who could throw a turkey
the farthest off the balcony into the parking lot.
Each of us held a turkey under
our chin with one hand, got a running start in the kitchen and
straight out the sliding glass doors onto the balcony where we
threw the frozen bird with all of our might. Each bird made kind
of a sickening "THOCK!" when they hit the pavement. I think that
one of the guys dropped his and got to have a "do-over."
When we were done with them, we
couldn't just throw them out. We had to do something that would
remind people that we were once residents of the complex. Around
the perimeter of the parking lot was a ten foot wide grassy area
with some small shrubs. We placed a turkey on each side of the
parking lot and let them putrefy in the hot, humid July sun. We
had friends who still lived in the complex and they reported
something with the odor of a decaying corpse for about a week
outside of their building. Needless to say, we were quite proud
that the meat did not go to waste.
Some number of holiday seasons
back, my cousin (he of the cat
we peed on) received a turkey from his then-employer. At the
time, he was living in a rented house with some roommates on the
other side of town from us. Also not knowing what to do
with the thing (and not considering it much of a priority), he
tosses it in the back of his pickup, figuring once he got home,
he'd take it in or do SOMETHING with it.
Thing is, by the time he gets
home (and to copious beer, most likely), he forgets about it.
Next day, he gets up, goes to work, still forgetting about the
turkey in the back of the truck. This scene repeats
itself... for several MONTHS. With the cold weather, the
thing kept "reasonably" well - I don't think he noticed the
smell until sometime that Spring. We dubbed it his "solar
turkey."
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